LOCKDOWN HUMOUR WITH MA

Disclaimer: As there are readers from around the globe, some may find it difficult to comprehend some words, here is the list. Goja, Singora and Jalebi are rich Indian sweets loaded with extreme sugary fat. Aloo pitika (mashed potatoes), Bhat and Dali (Dal, pulses) is the regular amount of carbs and protein Assamese folks of India eat. Aiyo is an Assamese word for exclamation to depict pain. Roshogolla is a Bengali sweet made from milk.

The combination of dancing ballet in Bollywood song is as same as eating Cheetos with jam.

And, as you have rightly guessed, Ma is my mother.

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Matriculation Examination burdened on tensions

So, lockdown came to save my day

But soon as this started, all plans to nowhere bombarded…

And for all I do know,

Routines and Disciple now rest in peace, in their respective graves.

But Ma was the hilarious lockdown specimen to look at

For she was hooked. To what? As usual, it’s Facebook.

In a pensive, of what to cook, and how to share,

The titillating glazes of all her foods

In all the Aunties’ groups.

Well, the end of the rope was then,

When Ma’s overwhelming doting on me

Made my temperature shoot higher with anger:

In fact, you could make the good ol’ fish and chips,

On my head (yes, for sure), if you are ready with the fryer.

‘Cause miliseconds after nanoseconds, she pests me

“What would you love my sweety?

Shall I make some goja, singora or jalebis?

Aiyo, my heart! It’s fine.

Only that one starving, dying child is melting it inside

‘Is she kidding?’ my eyebrows raise in terror

With uncertainty of the global food security, what is she talking?

I feebly smile,

“Na, ma, it’s fine with the regular aloo pitika, bhaat and daali.”

But don’t get beguiled with the sugar crusted apple-pie or roshogolla love

For when she’s, in turn, annoyed by my handcuffs to mobile

She bellows orders from the sofa,

“Can’t you, you terrible lil bastard,

Like me, see it from afar

The clods of dust, settling and snuggling close on the furniture?

Fetch the cloth and get the work done!”

“Ma, there’s nobody coming,” I grimaced

“You lil brat, don’t make that face,”

Says my ma, “You do know how I payed

For the deceitful luxury of the varnish to stay.”

But as evening dawns (or dusks, you may)

She slouches on the bed, her face rests on her cupped hands

Storming her brain on what to do

To beat the lockdown greys and blues

So, I sing in my bathroom voice

Bollywood oldies and romantic tunes.

Jostling up, she clasps my hand, and to Indian songs,

We then slow dance traditional balls and ballets.